Skinny Outfits.

Well I seem to be easily distracted again. I have been getting ready to move from one apartment to another, same apartment complex so not that big of a deal. Except that I had no idea how much STUFF I HAVE. I have even been trying to "clean house" a little as I pack. This hasn't worked so well for me. But that's only because I "clean house" on a regular basis. I'm not a huge clutter person. In fact, I hate it.
What sucks is the one thing I can't bring myself to throw out is my only clothes. The skinny outfits that I remember so clearly looking great in. I can't bare to get rid of them. I want to wear them again... and soon! Well. I haven't hit the closet or the dresser yet. And when I do, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Should I just throw it all out? Quit carrying it around? I love to hope that someday I'll get there again... but I think reality is that that will not be for a while. OR.. should I keep only my VERY favorites? Or am I being too lenient with myself? Or should I just keep it all with high hopes? I haven't decided yet and quite frankly I probably won't until tomorrow when I start to pack them up. Sigh. Ponder, ponder...

I weighed in Saturday... good news! Lost 3 more pounds! Total loss of 9.4... sooo close to 10! And after all of those questionably dinners with Adam's family. And no exercise, I will admit. Which is nothing I am proud of.

Food:

allbran/milk/strawberries & blueberries - 3 pts
2 tortillas with f/fbeans, corn, black beans, white beans, f/f cheese and salsa (yum!) - 5 pts
pretzels and green peppers - 2 pts
small breaded/seasoned chicken breast cut up into bite size pieces and pan-fried with spray pam - 4 pts
2 tbs of bbq sauce - 1 pt
Yam fries - 3 pts
Weight Watchers GIANT ice cream cone - 2 pts
1 tbs ketchup - 1 pt

21 pts total! Goal 22

1 milk serving
4 fruit/veg servings
all my water!
no exercise. boo.

Again with the slacking.

So it's been a very busy week. Adam's family has been in town for the wedding and we've been spending lots of time with them... eating. I blew it pretty well. Not REALLY well, but pretty well. I'm back on track now. I haven't weighed in in like.... 2 weeks. Barb and I are going on Saturday. I am dreading it. For now, I'm just doing the best I can... without exercising because apparently I just can't motivate myself to do it.
I'm going to start dancing again and I think when classes start at the end of the month and I have time in the morning I am going to try to swim twice a week before class (when it doesn't matter that I look like ass).
If I get to bed soon I might even go to the gym in the morning too…. Funny how motivated I am RIGHT NOW but as soon as my alarm rings I want nothing to do with it.

Today:
2 pieces FIBER TOAST! with apple butter
2 cups of coffee with f/f creamer
f/f yogurt
1/2 turkey pita with spinach and mustard
2 oz whole wheat pasta
with -
1 mild lean Italian sausage
broccoli
spinach
green peppers
tomatoes and sauce

I rounded out the day with 20 pts.... 2 shy! I might go make myself a snack. However, I'm not hungry so maybe I will just try to distract myself with my book.

Sorry not so interesting tonight. I don't seem to be in much of a mood for writing. Tomorrow! I will have something to write about.... Adam and I are going to Thursday in the Square for some free music. Hopefully it won't be as awful as last time. Cigs in public for me!!!!! Weee!

Seriously.

I really need to get back to this... it's helped me so much that first week I tried it. I don't know what the difference is. I have lost motivation. I don't try as hard to exercise and in fact, I don't that I have... at all. Didn't even go for a dinky walk on my lunch break ONCE this week. sigh.
Yesterday Barb and Hannah went with me to look for a dress for a wedding we are going to this Friday. It sucked so much more then I can express. I became so depressed with myself. I really looked terrible in everything that I tried on. MY ARM ARE SO F'ING BUTCH! I haven't been lifting... they are just big... and my underarms are horrific. So I tried like hell to find something that was longer sleeved... which was foolish for the middle of the summer. I didn't find anything. At all. That entire evening. And to make things worse, Barb was just so determined that she just kept dragging me to store after store... she really didn't mean to be rude or annoying or anything... but I was just so emotionally spent that I just couldn't look at one more thing without knowing that it would look terrible on me. I was going to cry. I finally said that I think I need to go home and try again tomorrow... and she FINALLY gave in. One more second and I would have broken down.
So, I have concluded that I will need to get some sort of sleeveless variation and I picked out a semi fashionable cropped little cardigan thing... bleck. Not exactly the stunning look I was going for but... whatever. I will buy some great shoes.
I was so discouraged that I just wanted to come home and eat my heart out. But I didn't. And it sucked. I was up late just feeling terrible. Being up late kept me from the gym this morning. So I don't know how to win this. Adam came over because he knew I was in a terrible mood. He tried to cuddle me when we went to bed and I just had to leave and grabbed a book and said I was going to the sofa to read.... which actually meant I needed to go lay and cry in my own space. He came out that morning to tell me my alarm had gone off and asked if I wanted to go to the gym or climb in bed with him so we could talk. So I climbed in. We didn't talk... I didn't have anything to say. I was still feeling badly about myself.
He got up with me to see me off to work... major deal because he hates the morning. He talked to me while I packed my lunch and made my breakfast. He was amazing. So amazing he made me break down when I was telling him about the stick of a girl who kept hanging around the damn fitting room and telling me I looked "cute" in everything. I don't want to be cute! I want to be sexy! Hot! Gorgeous! Not "CUTE" or have a "PRETTY FACE". I'm going to claw the next person who says that to me.
Anyway, he called me at work to check on me. And when I got back to the apartment he had made the bed, emptied the sink, and vacuumed the floors.... all on his own. All his ideas. I was elated that he was so thoughtful THAT almost brought me to tears! I managed to stick to my diet all the way through everything.

Today:
1/2 wheat pita with Peanut Butter (Breakfast in a hurry!)
1 yogurt
1/2 Turkey Pita with spicy mustard
carrots
1 whole wheat roll
2 pieces of brisket
Salad
Melon
1/2 wheat roll to snack on
2 pieces cheddar cheese

No exercise.
Until tomorrow...

Slacking

Have not posted lately... not sure why. But here I go again. I weighed in Thursday... lost 6.6lbs!!! :) I was very happy to see that... However, I have been only so-so on my diet. I think it gave me a little too much confidence. I haven't been following as strictly as I was but I have been guessing about it and not eating terribly. Another reason was that I had my family reunion yesterday. When I filled my plate I had:

Veggie Burger on Whole Wheat Roll
Fruit
Veggies
1 deviled egg
A few pretzels

So not too bad but I noshed and had a sliver of pie, a brownie, half of a cup cake and a little homemade ice cream for dessert. Plus, I was hungry when I got home around 11 so I made myself a Smart One's Mac'n'Cheese. So. Needless to say, yesterday wasn't such a hot day. I imagine I will need to weigh in as soon as Tuesday if I want to go with Adam's mom, Barb. So I better get back into shape for the next few days.

My goal:

Stick to my points... SERIOUSLY. And exercise for at least an hour each day.
That included today!!!

Not bad

I didn't do too bad at Mitzi's.

Salad with f/f feta
1 wheat roll - pretty much no butter (I dabbled just a little :-P)
1 c. green beans
2 red potatoes
1 slice turkey breast
1 cube of marinated steak
4 slices of cantaloupe

I was STUFFED.

NO COOKIES! That was hard this time. All I wanted all night was a box of chocolates. But I resisted AND I resisted when I stopped by Wegmans for groceries for tomorrow nights dinner.

Tomorrows game plan:

Wake up for 30ish minute gym visit (mainly weights)
work with 1 hr walk at lunch break
Dinner with Laura (stuffed tomatoes, asparagus, and rosemary red potatoes)
Walk with Laura and Meghan and maybe Adrianna.


Wish me luck :)

Just another day...

I woke up early this morning with Adam to make him some breakfast before he went to work. He HATES breakfast but he's been working like a horse and have been trying my hardest to convince him he's better off just choking it down. I made him a egg and cheese on a multi-grain english muffin. He ate about half so the other half was my breakfast. I anticipated this and made the egg extra big by adding a 2nd egg white ;). Glad I did. I had a pretty productive and quiet morning. I got the apartment all picked up and managed to get a few "weekly" chores done... scrub the tub, sweep the kitchen, do the laundry, and clean the toilet (bleck!).
I had a CRAZY lunch though... I should tell you... if you are on Weight Watchers you MUST know about this bread. It's Arnold's Whole Grain's 100% Whole Wheat DOUBLE FIBER. 1 slices is 1 pt. And trust me, you won't need more then one. I made myself a heaping turkey sandwich with sprouts and lettuce and 2 slices of that crazy bread and was waddling around the apartment finishing up my chores. I was SO FULL. The whole sandwich including f/f cheese and mayo came out to be a cool 5 pts. So I've got 12 points to work with for dinner and it's a good thing because I am going to Adam's G'ma's for dinner and she is a GREAT cook. I'm crossing my fingers for kugel :).
Got on the scale this morning... 167. The other day I was 165.5. I am fed up with my scale. I'm not getting on it anymore... I mean it this time.
Ok, so no exercise yesterday or today it looks like. Big old thunderstorm rolling in right now and I was planning on taking a nice walk with Hannah before dinner at Mitzi's. SO that being spoiled I think I am going to see what the weather looks like after dinner and if it's still crappy perhaps hit the gym and walk while I watch some TV? We shall see. I will fill you in later!
Well this is one loaded thunderstorm... I think I'm going to sit by the window and watch it roll in before I take off. Be back later. I'm sure dinner will be a trip... still not completely sure how I'm going to track what I'm eating.

A little defeated...

I had a good day by most terms... Actually rang in at the end of the day with 5 pts to spare. That's also not counting the 2 pts I earned by taking a walk with one of the girls I work with on my lunch break. I'm not hungry... so I guess that's a good thing. However, the other day I weighed in on my scale at 166. HUGE weight loss, that would have meant I lost over 8 lbs in 4 days... but I tried not to think so much of it. Tonight I weighed in on my scale at 169. My weight fluctuates so that I just can't ever tell what's really going on. Sigh. I should stop trying to weigh myself and just rely on my WW weigh ins. Humph.
AND, I went out with Adam tonight. I was expecting and hoping to go the Albright Knox and see and hear a lecture on Chuck Close's work but that didn't pan out because I took too much time getting ready for the night. So instead Adam and I headed over to a friends house for some beers. I felt ok about that because I knew I had some points to spare and I could get a couple lite beers and probably be ok. However, when our friend returned with the beer, not only did he not get lite beer but he got CRAPPY fatty beer. So, I had to pass on that and ended up just sitting around all night with nothing but cigs to enjoy. Chain-smoked like it was my job...
So, I suggested to Adam that I take his car back to his place (which was just around the corner) and leave his keys in the mailbox so that I could head home and we could catch up later. Of course, he wasn't willing to do that and insisted on leaving with me. This made me feel pretty guilty. So. Here I am on Saturday night entering a pitty blog while he sits in the other room watching TV. BORE. This sucks. Especially since I haven't seen him all week because he's been working with a friend of the family who is shooting a small film. He's been working almost 8 to 8 days and is a wreck when he gets home. So tonight was his first night with no work in the morning and probably my best chance for another week of getting some good time with him. Wasted. Wasted because I hate the idea of not seeing him all week and then FINALLY have an opportunity just to blow it in front of the TV. Bleck.
Maybe something fun will come up tomorrow to do... if we have time before he decides he ought to go back to his house and spend time with his family. We shall see.
I suppose Good Night for now! If anyone is even reading this...

Bah.

last post was supposed to publish yesterday but I woke up this morning to find that it hadn't for some reason...
Anyway. Good Morning. No Gym AGAIN for me.... this time I didn't seem to wake up for my alarm. I woke up and my alarm was going off and it was set for 5am... but it was 6:30... so I must have slept through it. Probably for the better... I didn't get to sleep until almost 12 because I was up reading a Weigh Watchers Cookbook (Which is AWESOME, by the way. I don't think there was but a handful of recipes in that thing that I didn't feel like trying).
However, I got on the scale and was surprised to see that it said 166.5!!! So I know that I have atleast lost 4 lbs!!! That's exciting! However it makes me wonder if I am eating enough... I hope I am not wrecking my metabolism. I am going for a walk with one of the girls I work with on my lunch break today. So at the end of the day I can chalk up another 3 points and feel a bit better about my metabolism. Yay! Alright, I will be running late for work again and I still have to pack a lunch and snacks.

To Bed Too Late... AGAIN

Alright, quick post tonight. Didn't get to go for a walk today but I did go grocery shopping/errand running with Adam's little sister Hannah today for 3 hours. So I got quite a bit of walking in that way. I also stuck to my points again today. Here's a quick run down:

BFast: 1/2c All Bran
1/2c milk
1c strawberries
1/2 banana
Snack: Yogurt & Carrots
2nd snack: 1c fat free popcorn
Late Lunch: 1/2 Turkey Pita with f/f cheese and broccoli spouts and mustard
Green Peppers
Nectarine
Snack: 2c f/f popcorn
Dinner: Bowl of veggies soup with whole wheat croutons
Snack: Weight Watchers carrot cake snack

It's 11:00 and I'm hungry. As I was for MOST of the day... hence the 2 extra snacks. I think I am just getting used to this new way of eating. Hopefully I won't be so hungry in the days to come. I don't want to hold out of food for fear of my metabolism dropping. It's important that I start exercising to avoid that happening too.... and more green tea would help.

Ok, I know that wasn't very entertaining but, I MUST GO TO THE GYM TOMORROW MORNING!!!! 5am for me. I have a date with the elliptical and CNN Headline.